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Unfortunately the Godzilla-like Dilbert that I follow around pinching these snippets off has moved on to the Board of Directors via a sabbatical at the zoo.
I will try to keep the gems flowing 98% is unprintable anyway due to (a) libel laws (b) the United Nations human decency act.
Did he promote me for documenting his wisdom ? No - so I pinched his mouse mat - petty ha ha
| Two portions does not mean sharing it means I'm hungry |
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| The cat has a new kitten |
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| If you're nasty to him - he'll turn round and bite you |
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| I didn't know 5 1/2 years could be summed up so quickly. |
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| I doubt Isambard Kingdom Brunel was worried much buy the invention of the Meccano Set. |
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| There's just one corner to be resolved and I'm not going to build that one yet. |
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| The sooner you fall behind the quicker you'll catch up. |
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| I could never do a 9 to 5 job - maybe 10 to 3. |
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| I have experience of 4 hole punches. |
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| Unless we get given girls and pngts it isn't going to make a difference. |
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| Can you spare a minute or two for a second? |
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| Is your ignorance total or does it just peak in specific areas? |
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| What I'd really like to do is to gain the experience without actually doing any work. |
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| If I spoke at the top of MY voice you wouldn't even be able to stand up. |
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| You were still smiling so I knew I'd failed. |
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| It wasn't there when I kicked it. |
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| About the only Intelligent thing they've done on X is buy a Black and Decker Electric Screwdriver. |
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| It's got an Idiots Guide at the top but that may go over your head. |
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| As usual you are talking out of the middle of your back. |
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| If you had a million toilets and two people wanting to use them the probability that they both want to use the same one is minimal. |
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| The trouble is when X is speaking you have to put in so much attenuation that you lose all the sense of what X's saying. Assuming that there was any to start with. |
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| That's the problem: there's too much X for a ~X engineer to understand. |
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| We're men of the future: we know how to type. |
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| Very good it looked just like it was going to be something interesting. |
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| I think golf would be easier as the ball is static. |
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| The more I do X the more I realize I don't understand women. |
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| Obvious being a relative term. |
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| I am busy tomorrow I have 3 things to do. |
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| You will never be able to manage it but just might be able to eat it. |
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| Whatever you do you must do it right even if its something wrong. |
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| Imagine everyone has a sign on their head that says "I want to be important" |
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| Say "No" but make it sound like you're saying "Yes". |
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| If you don't know delegate carefully if you do know delegate cruelly. |
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| Keep your friends close and your enemies in the closet. |
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| I am not interested in apologies just performance. |
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| He took a wrong turn and kept on going. |
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